Reason #1354 why Rogue 2 is the best work buddy ever. Our lunchtime conversations are similar to this one:
Rogue 2: That purple nubby is sure getting a workout.
Chauncy: Sad, but true.
Rogue 2: Don’t break the damned thing.
Chauncy: What the hell would I do if that happened?
Rogue 2 (looking down at hand): Fingers, don’t fail me now!
This astronaut is trippin’ balls. How else do you explain driving across four states while wearing a diaper listening to “How I could just kill a [wo]man!” The astronaut, Nowak, thought Shipman was interested in her man. So she figured she’d teach her a lesson. According to CNN:
“Nowak told Shipman her ride had not arrived and asked for help, but Shipman refused, saying she would send help instead, the reporte said. When Nowak complained she couldn’t hear Shipman and started to cry, Shipman opened her car window about 2 inches — and Nowak sprayed pepper spray into the car, police said.
Shipman, her eyes burning, drove away and found police, who returned to the bus stop and found Nowak, who was wearing a different coat. As he approached to bus stop, an officer observed Nowak put some items into a trash can. Those items were found to be a wig and a plastic bag containing a carbon dioxide-powered BB pistol, the report said.
Inside a bag Nowak was carrying, the officer found a tan trench coat, a new steel mallet, a new folding knife with a 4-inch blade, 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing, several large plastic garbage bags and about $600 in cash, the report said.
Nowak admitted the details of Shipman’s allegations, according to the police report, and permitted a search of her car.
Inside the car, police found an a half dozen latex gloves, MapQuest directions from Houston to Orlando International Airport, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, diapers that Nowak said she wore to reduce stops along the highway, a letter indicating how much she loved Oefelein and directions to Shipman’s home address in Florida.”
Diapers, man, diapers. However, according to CNN, “It is standard procedure for astronauts to wear diapers when they suit up for launch and re-entry.”
That totally makes it okay.
The conversation that made the phrase ”dick in a bag” the logical successor to dick in a box:
K: He returned everything? Even your cookies?
P Yeah.
K: The cookie thing is weird. Do you think his girlfriend told him to remove every trace of you from his house?
P: If that’s the case, he should’ve taken his dick off and put it in the bag.
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